Ephesians 3:11-12

"This was according to the eternal purpose
that he has realized in Christ Jesus our Lord,
in whom we have boldness and access with confidence
through our faith in him."

I have to say, the greatest discomfort I've experienced since my arrival in Korea has been walking around the neighborhood. Maybe I'm just self-conscious of what my people might think of me, but I feel like everyone is looking at me with very judgmental eyes. Like..they have laser beams shooting from there eyes, scoping me out from head to toe. Whenever I roamed around SoCal, I never felt uncomfortable even though almost everyone around me were completely different appearance-wise. I also feel like I have to be a certain way around my co-workers. I feel like one little thing I do can change their entire perspective of who I am.

Sigh...this is why...community is so very important.

All the love I've received during my short time here so far feels so undeserving. Just through e-mail I've gained so much confidence in who I am and why I'm here. I'm so...so overwhelmed with gratitude for the people who are making sure that I don't lose sight of that....
And although we all seem to lack confidence in many areas, I realized we actually do see so much in ourselves. Think about it...whenever you're placed in a situation where you find it hard to be comfortable and feel shy, you always ask the question, "Why can't I just be myself??"
I think...that question in itself reveals how much you do love yourself and believe in yourself. You think to yourself, 'if I am myself, I can get along with everyone just fine.' That's really it isn't it?

Today's my first day of teaching. After meditating on these thoughts, I feel like I can walk into all five of my classrooms with confidence. I feel like He's given me a coat that will reflect off all the laser beams that come my way. Let's just hope that I don't forget any of this.




{eSeul}

Some First Thoughts in Korea

That was a sweaty plane ride
Cramping butt
Long line for immigration
Apartment is nice!
But dirty....
Cleaned, scrubbed, cleaned, and cleaned.
Blankets smell like they were sitting in a closet for months.
Friendly people ratio? 50:50
I feel like everyone looks at me with very judgmental eyes...maybe I'm just self-conscious
BE CONFIDENT AND EXCITED!
Wish umma was here with me...
Hope the bus ride goes well and I don't get lost... (I didn't! :))
PEOPLE DON'T JUDGE ME!
I'm surprised to be in a fairly nice, hip neighborhood.
And right across the street is the park!
Haven't really had much time to "feel"...so busy and caught up with cleaning.
It was an interesting first night. Didn't have a clock. Literally woke up the next morning with the sunrise. Thought it was past 8am. Turns out it was only 6:30. -__-
I wish umma was here too..
I'm so good at cleaning. I feel like I'm being more anal because this is actually MY place...
It still hasn't settled in that I'm really in Korea. I feel like I'm in K-Town.
Co-workers seem like fun and comfortable to be around.
Can't wait to show y'all what my life is like.... I actually don't really know myself just yet.




{eSeul}

Less than 48 Hours...

To my dearest friends who came to bid me farewell,
as well as my friends who were there in spirit....

Thank you for showering me with your love tonight. Even though it was super last minute I definitely sensed your efforts and sacrifice to show how much you care. I felt so spoiled and at the same time felt even more confused at the closeness of my departure.
It was definitely hard to say my "See you in a year"s because it still doesn't feel like I'm leaving in less than two days. Even now I'm asking myself if I really am traveling halfway across the world for an entire year...or even longer. Not only that, the physical distance that will be between us swept over me as I returned home. I don't know if I'm looking forward to leaving....

But after reading all the encouragements you left me in my ultra-fabulous yet obnoxious card, I'm feeling a lot more peace about my departure. How much you know me and care about my dreams comforts me. Not only do you know about my long-lived desires to live in let alone visit that country, but you also know my deepest desires for the Lord to do as He pleases with my life out there. I'm so excited to know that y'all are sending me out in a way that excites me and reminds me of the true reasons in my venture out to Korea.

I'm still scared and still in disbelief, but I feel...prepared. I promise to enjoy it to the fullest.




{eSeul}

Beauty Vloggers

Okay, confession time.

I am...a HUGE YouTube beauty vlog follower. Okay well, I don't really subscribe to anyone but I do try to keep up with people posting up videos on different beauty tips. Just a few of my favorites are:

Michelle Phan
http://www.youtube.com/user/MichellePhan?blend=1&ob=5

Wendy
http://www.youtube.com/user/wendyslookbook

YaYa
http://www.youtube.com/user/YaYaLifestyle

Jenn&Sarah
http://www.youtube.com/user/clothesencounters

And then there are vloggers who get fifty gazillion likes and a gajillion comments and so much media exposure although not as many subscribers/followers as the others mentioned...here is one of this sort:

Blair
http://www.youtube.com/user/juicystar07


I don't get it.

How does a girl who talks 87 mph (SHE DOESN'T BREATHE I SWEAR) who pretty much shows off all the "stuff" she has while being helpful here and there gets an incredible amount of feedback while the girls (who I'm fond of) are prone to get a pretty good amount of negative attention, especially if they were to be close to annoying as Blair? Granted, Blair probably loves the art of make up (o.O) but I'm not really sure what kind of example she's trying to set for young girls who watch her videos. I feel like they might feel a lot of pressure to become materialistic. And she's snagged showings in pretty popular talk shows.

The blogs I initially listed? These girls are so talented. And you can tell what they show in their videos are purely to be helpful. Not only that, they're super creative and artful. But once they do something out of their way to "upgrade", they are scolded for becoming less genuine.

Again. I don't get it.

I don't know...I'm blabbering. I just wish that more people would notice the artfulness and beauty in the creative aspect of it, not just the beauty products.

Girls, it doesn't have to be about all the nice things you have. Work with what you got, yea?




{eSeul}

Making Sense

Has it ever occurred to you, that pain is a blessing in disguise?
I did today, and although I don't fully accept it, I think I'm getting there.

The other day my friend was walking me through the process of getting some legal documents notarized. She recently had to painstakingly endure this process so she told me what to do step-by-step to a tee. And as much as it was a frustrating process for her, she seemed to be very glad to help me out so that I won't have to go through the same misery.

Similarly, I recently went through an unnecessarily complicated process of getting my Korean visa. It didn't have to be such an annoying experience, but it was, and because of that I can definitely save other people the trouble. And I'd do it without hesitation, and happily.

Maybe that's the whole thing about pain. The happenings in life that hurt you to the bones. The times that make you want to crawl into bed and never get up again. The ones where you find yourself asking, "Why me? Why must I live with this for the rest of my life? Why couldn't you save me from this suffering?"

When we endure immense pain, we become extremely familiar to it. It revisits you from time to time, without warning, but you know it so well that you actually know that it's back. A lot of times it's unexplainable, but there will definitely come a time when you can share it with someone, and be that one person who actually understands. And you'll do it without hesitation. And perhaps with a joyful heart.

I hope I can be strong enough to live that out. Soon enough.




{eSeul}

Just One of Those Nights

I hadn't had one these in a while.
The nights where all the memories rush into my thoughts, and flood them without warning.
Only through tears can they be drained.
I'm still learning to float in these floods, still learning to embrace the reminiscence instead of refusing it.
I don't want to drown anymore.
I don't want to forget.




{eSeul}