Desperation

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I feel powerless.
And when I feel powerless, I become desperate.
And when I'm desperate, I can't help but cry out to God.
And isn't that what everyone does?
I guess this is just proof that God really is Almighty, and all powerful. He has the whole world in His hands, my life included.

He will provide, He will provide.




{eSeul}

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Why do they need to hide? Why must they be afraid to reveal themselves?
Isn't it our job to love on them...to show them that it doesn't matter who they are?

I feel like we are guilty of reckoning what is right or wrong. When did we let "law" become our basis of accepting and not accepting?

I don't know...I probably sound like I'm talking jibberish, but just something to think about!



{eSeul}

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Just thought I'd jot down some things that have been placed on my heart recently and I'm hoping to see the picture as a whole soon:

-confidence in my identity with God
-the promise I've received for my future...it's so vague to me but hopefully it'll be specified soon
-asking God to completely dwell in me
-business; building a business on a Christian foundation
-searching for my talent/gift
-Korea
-the importance of praying ALL THE TIME
-what it means to live out the gospel through love
-be fearless
-healing through being obedient

How has God been speaking to you recently?



{eSeul}

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I sat there after the 1040 movie, asking God for a picture of what it looks like to be a revolutionary.
Not a revolutionary of religion.
Not a revolutionary of Christianity.
But one of Love.

Sharing the gospel and spreading the gospel are important. How is it not important to share the good news?
But what does it mean to live it out without screaming religion?
The story...it can be reached to people who don't know about it, who are oblivious to it. But how can we share this story to those who do know it, but refuse to hear it?
Those who have been scarred by the "love" that we know...how do we help them to understand?

I have always been impressed by people who fearlessly speak the Truth, even though it shouldn't be such a difficult thing.... But even more so, I'm more inspired by people who live out the Truth by getting to know someone's pain, accepting someone's dirt, be a friend...which are difficult things.

I feel like there is really only one way to do this effectively:
Spend time with God.
Open up your time, your heart, your ears to Him so that He may enter and dwell in you.
Once He makes your heart His home, everything else comes naturally.

It's a repeated message I hear. It has to be God telling me to spend more time with Him. He so desperately wants to be with me, because He knows what He wants to do with my life and I feel like it's gonna be crazy...but crazy good. I know this because things have been popping up here and there that are really relative to one another and to me it looks like they're all strokes to one painting. I'll talk more about this later, but...God is calling me to dwell in His presence.

And I must listen.



{eSeul}

wOw

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Excuse me, I'm sorry but HOW YOU DEW DAT??
Wow...definitely gifted people. Way to represent. :)

p.s. boooo...it cuts off the video so you can't see the full picture.


{eSeul}

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Stress, stress, stress.
I need to give myself a break. But do I even deserve a break?
Well, I guess it's not about whether or not I deserve it but how much I need it. Is it weird for me to think that it's selfish of me to need a break...? I mean, I feel like I'm drawing life out to be far more difficult than it already is.
Okay...I should stop before I get carried away.

Pray. I need to pray.




{eSeul}

Going out to Burrito Project was not an easy task; I went into it, already waiting for it to be over. It was a long morning of strange physical exhaustion and emotional weariness. I wanted to collapse and just sleep the day away or bury myself in someone's arms and just cry. But it was also a great morning of being reminded of the importance of rest and how simple it really is. We often complicate the idea of rest so much that it becomes overwhelming.

And for some reason, I found Burrito Project to be restful instead.

I am such a bad conversationalist. When I feel forced into a conversation with someone, there are many awkward silences and stuttered words. I also say things that I don't mean. Maybe that's the case with many people, but I strongly admire people have no trouble whatsoever striking up a conversation and keep it interesting.

Well, Burrito Project sort of placed me in that situation, where we were "encouraged" to talk to the people we were handing out lunches to. After uncomfortably pacing around with two plastic bags full of goodies, Lydia and I approached two men who were talking to each other. Their names were AJ Hightower and Ken. After a few minutes of typical conversation subjects like our hometowns, the weather, etc., we were interrupted by one of the Burrito Project leaders who was handing out beanies. AJ left, probably not because of the beanies but because we were boring. I don't blame him...we were pretty boring. Haha. Ken was pretty quiet, too. He wasn't a man of many words, and seemed very unfamiliar to it all. He's only been on the streets since August, and is very strong-willed in looking for work. Especially after AJ left, there were more awkward silences and "huh-huh-huh"s. But...it wasn't too uncomfortable. If anything, I felt very connected to him. He was lost, confused, and didn't know how he let himself come to this point. At the same time, he seemed to be the type of person who continued on in his trek without crumbling down even though he was troubled. I felt like I could sit with him for a while without saying much and he'd still feel cared for. It felt...restful.

Towards the end, Lydia asked if we could pray for him especially because he had pain in his legs from extensive walking. He had kindly refused at first, but in the end he let us. After we prayed for him, he seemed to be a lot more...uplifted. I think he realized that after that prayer we weren't there to be "religious" but to really care for him. He noticed that we had listened and paid attention to all that he had to share about his life. But it was all only because we could tell that he was a good man....

As we were leaving, I told Lydia, "Man, I'm going to be thinking of Ken all week."
It was not at all in a burdensome way, but because I really will be thinking of him and praying for him throughout the week.

And really...this is why these people go out every Sunday to serve the homeless; these brief interactions become cherished relationships. It's not just about serving or giving them something we have more of but it's about allowing them to become a part of our lives. It's allowing them to enter and take more than just our time and energy, but our love and our care.

That's true servanthood, don't you think?

I left Burrito Project feeling a lot less exhausted than I usually do from serving in other ways such as inside the church, for people who don't even need half as much as what these homeless people need. It doesn't seem right for me to feel so drained from serving people who already have more than they need....

The more I think about it, it's really the simplest things that keep you going.




{eSeul}