A few months ago, I had this random realization, an epiphany as most people would call it. I don't know where it came from, but I've embraced it to it's fullest capacity.
It's a sad reality, the unexpected loss of a father.
It sucks that he wasn't at my graduation, it sucks that he won't be at my wedding. It sucks that he won't be there when his grandchildren enter the world, who probably would be his prized possessions. It sucks that he won't be at my restaurants' grand opening, with a beaming face that exhibits immeasurable pride. And most of all, it sucks that I won't ever feel his embrace again, if I even remember what it's like to be in it.
But, loss is a part of life; everyone will experience it sometime during their lifetime. I just experienced it a tad bit earlier than a lot of people around me. And it's heartbreaking, but it makes me that much more aware of the incomparable pain that exists in the rest of the world.
The only concern I have now is, what can I do to be in the pain, not just my own, but the pain of others? Am I willing to dwell in that? How brave am I, and do I have enough in me to bear it? And...am I willing to relive it all over again with the reopening of wounds but without the anger I then had towards God? Would I be able to be there with a joyful heart?
He's been giving me more and more peace. But I still have a long way to go.
But at least I'm going somewhere, and that somewhere from this point of view, looks pretty alive.
{eSeul}
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