.

When you hear the word "memories", how do you feel?

For me, I feel grateful. I'm grateful that I have something to cherish, and grateful again that I have the ability, the mental and psychological ability to remember.

But sometimes, there is an ungratefulness that emerges. An ungratefulness that is significantly comparable to how I initially feel. I'll smile in the warm and fuzziness of my memories, and then I'll find myself weeping. My heart feels like it's breaking, because I know that I will never have those moments again, because someone who was a part of them is no longer here for me to cherish with.

It's so interesting how loss not only affects your present and future, but also your past. Does that even make sense...? I don't know....

What do you do when you miss something and/or someone so much, but you can't see or talk to them in perhaps forever? What do you do when you try to recall them in your memories but all you feel is pain? The sensible thing to think would be to forget all in all. But what's funny is that forgetting isn't what comes to mind, and if it does, it's not something we choose to do.

If anything, forgetting is sadder than painful memories.

At least I'm able to feel you through my memories. If I didn't have any, I wouldn't be able to feel you at all. Now that, I don't want.

"Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all...."
-Lady Antebellum



{eSeul}