Gotta Do This.

.


He won't let me out of His sight.
And His hands.
I'm slowly learning the reason why it's still so hard for me to declare my trust in Him. He wants me to know, but I can't understand.
This is how I know that He is real.




{eSeul}

Another Dream

.

A few days ago during a nap, I had a dream that my entire family was making a trip to Korea. We had with us all our luggage and were in the airport. It was nighttime so it was dark, and it was sort of eery because it seemed like the airport was almost deserted. I don't remember seeing anyone else but ourselves.
What's special about this dream?
My family...as a whole we've never been on a trip before. The only time we took a trip with light luggage was to Vegas when we were very young. Other than that, we've never taken a plane trip altogether, nor have we gone to Korea. It's weird that our destination was Korea, too, since I'm making plans to move there, something I've been wanting to do since high school. Am I really that close?
Another special thing. My dad was there with us. I remember feeling absolutely no confusion, and it was just a peaceful, serene, most comfortable feeling and environment.
I want more of these dreams. A part of me wishes that I was confused in the dream so I could've touched him again and showered him with kisses and happy tears.

And although I haven't recorded them, I've been having dreams every time I slept. Am I really that tired? But from what?
But the question I want to ask last is, what will I dream of tonight?




{eSeul}

Dream Recording

.

I've been having really weird, vivid dreams the past few consecutive nights. I've forgotten most of them, only remembering how strange they were. But I should start recording them.

Last night, it's hard to recollect most of it, but one scene is hard to erase. I had a dream about talking sea mammals; I think two of them were a dolphin and a shark, but for sure one of them was a huge whale. Not only was it huge, but it also had flying abilities. It actually flew while one of my friends was hanging onto its tail fin. The dolphin and shark and I were discussing how much bigger the whale needed to be in order for the flight to be more successful (?). So weird.


Well that's about it.

P.S. I have a lot to write about what the past month has looked for me, but I am not quite in the pensive mood. Let me just jot down some important themes: fear, truth, and confidence.



{eSeul}

It's Been a While

.

Today, I sat on a chair for four hours straight, reading a book.
I don't know how long it's been since I've done that. I feel good.
I feel accomplished.




{eSeul}

안녕.

.

난 어제부러 한 한달 동안 잠수 타기로했다.
친구들도 안 만나고, 교회도 안 가고....
It might sound depressing but it's something that had to be done a while back, but apparently right now is the best time for me to do so. I believe in His timing.
Isn't it so interesting, how a 23-second-long conversation and/or incident can completely change one's mind/perspective? I don't know why but I feel so at peace with my decision to disappear for a little bit, when just last month I definitely wouldn't have felt the same.

Well anyways....
I stumbled upon this music video and although I'm generally horrified of clowns, this video is so hauntingly beautiful that I don't mind the clowns at all.
Enjoy.







{eSeul}

Treat My Body Good

Today I was on the elliptical for a mere 20 minutes (with a 2 minute cool-down) which came out to be an equivalence of 1.6 miles and I....am.....pooped.
I wish to be in bed.
A nap after a workout.
Sick.
Anyways...I really need to treat my body better. I always thought that it was okay for me to skip working out because I'm on my feet for 95% of my shifts at work almost every day. But lately, I've been noticing that my body doesn't function the way it used to. I'm tired more, cranky more (this bit could be the result of other factors though), and strange things have been happening to my body. One time, I had a stomach ache unlike any other stomach ache I've had that lasted 3 days straight without rest. My poos haven't been very regular. My limbs have been falling asleep more often than before. Something's up right?!

Well...so it begins. My body doesn't deserve this. It deserves to be taken care of.

IT'S SEXY TIME! :D :/ -__- o.O




{eSeul}

Torn

.

Occasionally I find myself in a moment of disparity with the desire for happiness.
Like many people, sometimes I just wish I can be....happy. For once.
But more often than not, I'll wonder if I even deserve to be happy.
No, I'm not a criminal.
Neither am I betrayer.
But I'm not a joy giver either.
I feel torn.
Have you felt this way before?



{eSeul}