Wow,
how much blogspot has changed during my period of neglection.
Today, I walked out of our elevator at work at 10:28pm and immediately my eyebrows decided that they wanted to meet. I frowned at the humidity that had seeped through the glass doors. The word "no" repeated through my brain as I headed towards the exit.
My eyebrows relaxed, as did my eyelids. Sadness flooded into my soul as I forcefully accepted the fact that summer in Korea...had arrived.
I continued my walk home, sweat collecting in my heels and crevices in my body that I shall not name as I neared home.
I arrived home and let my body breathe. After contemplating whether or not to fulfill my craving for fried chicken, I gave in to my begging stomach.
I waited for the knock on the door while watching a TV show called "The Alien Virus". No, it's not some freak-of-nature sci-fi drama. Well, I guess that's half untrue. There is some "freak-of-nature" involved. The guests of this program are very bizarre people, so bizarre that they can be mistaken as aliens. One woman literally eats everything with chocolate syrup; one man does the same but with ketchup; one woman eats ONLY raw food, that being meat.
This week's guest was...sort of out of the ordinary compared to past guests. Her bizarre habit is spending everything in her bank account; she has no savings, no investments, etc. This can be seen as foolish because if she loses her job tomorrow or becomes too ill and can no longer work, she's screwed. But, what she's doing is simply "living in the day". Carpe diem. Barf. Cliche.
Cliche, but commendable.
I feel like that's what Korea has been for me. Live in the day. No matter how much I work, no matter how much I make, I have close to nothing in my savings. And unlike this "alien", I'm not spending all that much on myself either, but to a point where I'm satisfied, where I'm grateful.
She works hard. And plays hard. And lives today.
Today, I sweated. And when I let my body breathe, it was liberating.
{eSeul}
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Strange Things
Last night I had another strange dream. My dreams, when I do remember them, are always vivid and particularly...peculiar.
This one, I think, was almost prophetic. But probably not.
I have been stressing heavily about my church situation and 'lo and behold, I was at a church that I've been wanting to visit for the longest time (not saying that it's completely prophetic). It was nighttime and I was mingling outside and ran into some familiar faces. All of a sudden, there was a loud 'bang!' and people started falling from the sky on parachutes. Instantly I thought, 'Oh God, war has begun,' because I've been having several dreams about war breaking out ever since Kim Jong Il left the Earth. Where he is now, I don't know if I want to know. Anyway, so I ducked and looked for a hiding place. But, it turned out, it was just an unnecessarily extravagant entrance of singers who were to have a concert that evening. That was their opening act. One of my favorites, Junsu from JYJ was performing, and he actually came up to me and asked me to dance. I remember feeling really flattered but extremely disappointed. He was almost as tall as I was and had gained a little weight. But, I obliged (hehe).
Well, that's really all there was to it. I just thought I'd record how interesting it was to see the opening of the concert be of the featured artists falling from the sky. At a church.
Some recent news:
Winter is leaving. It felt long, but short at the same time. I'm experiencing the creeping debut of spring and I already love it. I have a good feeling about this season.....
{eSeul}
This one, I think, was almost prophetic. But probably not.
I have been stressing heavily about my church situation and 'lo and behold, I was at a church that I've been wanting to visit for the longest time (not saying that it's completely prophetic). It was nighttime and I was mingling outside and ran into some familiar faces. All of a sudden, there was a loud 'bang!' and people started falling from the sky on parachutes. Instantly I thought, 'Oh God, war has begun,' because I've been having several dreams about war breaking out ever since Kim Jong Il left the Earth. Where he is now, I don't know if I want to know. Anyway, so I ducked and looked for a hiding place. But, it turned out, it was just an unnecessarily extravagant entrance of singers who were to have a concert that evening. That was their opening act. One of my favorites, Junsu from JYJ was performing, and he actually came up to me and asked me to dance. I remember feeling really flattered but extremely disappointed. He was almost as tall as I was and had gained a little weight. But, I obliged (hehe).
Well, that's really all there was to it. I just thought I'd record how interesting it was to see the opening of the concert be of the featured artists falling from the sky. At a church.
Some recent news:
Winter is leaving. It felt long, but short at the same time. I'm experiencing the creeping debut of spring and I already love it. I have a good feeling about this season.....
{eSeul}
Saturday, November 12, 2011
This is Ridik
Blogging has become foreign to me.
I blame work.
I want to break free!!! I want to breathe.... LOL.
Working here has been reminding me of my business mind. And business, I'm learning more and more, is very much connected to my faith. I receive revelations and epiphanies through the problems I encounter at work. So I believe more and more that I am here, in the mess that is called "hakwon", for a reason.
I'm just gonna take it day by day, and open up the day for Him to take control.
P.S. I encountered my first dark circles EVER last week. That is NOT GOOD.
{eSeul}
I blame work.
I want to break free!!! I want to breathe.... LOL.
Working here has been reminding me of my business mind. And business, I'm learning more and more, is very much connected to my faith. I receive revelations and epiphanies through the problems I encounter at work. So I believe more and more that I am here, in the mess that is called "hakwon", for a reason.
I'm just gonna take it day by day, and open up the day for Him to take control.
P.S. I encountered my first dark circles EVER last week. That is NOT GOOD.
{eSeul}
Sunday, July 31, 2011
I have a dilemma...
I'm currently in the works of planning a day out and a possible "pajama party" (what Koreans refer to as a sleepover) outside of the hakwon with some of my students.
From my experience at the hakwon, I realized that I don't really have the chance to get to know my students at a deeper level. Granted, teachers don't have the responsibility to transform a student's life and it's definitely not realistic to do that for all of their students.
I have 76.
Well now 74, and slowly but surely decreasing as we speak...since Korean moms love to "taste-test" hakwons....
Anyway, my dilemma is....is it okay for me to do this??
The idea just came about very naturally. Some of my students, especially the girls, love to chit-chat and tell me stories, but frankly, we don't have time to do that. Class time isn't even enough for the work we need to cover and if we do have time left, we can't just sit there and talk. The mom's will go crazy if they see the students (through the video recordings...our classes are recorded) with their books unopened, they'll complain f'sho.
And more importantly, I really want to make myself available to these kids, especially the 6th graders. They're at a crossroads where they're entering a rough six years of intense studying and yet they're not preparing themselves at all. It very much resembles senioritis.......
Plus, one of the mother's had suggested to me that she'd love to see some kind of mentor ship for her daughter, which I expressed that I would love that for myself as well.
So really, this could go both ways: either become an opportunity that opens doors for many more teacher-student relationships or...drama. Drama among the teachers, from the possible misunderstanding that I'm setting a level that they might feel forced to meet and that I'm trying to win the students' hearts, and even drama among the students that I'm being exclusive/partial.
I definitely can't do this with all of my students...there's just some that I'd love to invest in and can see us getting along very well.
Well, we'll see how it goes. The water's already been spilled. I told the five students to ask their parents about how they feel about this proposal. :)
I'm just gonna be optimistic, and believe that this is the beginning of something good.
{eSeul}
From my experience at the hakwon, I realized that I don't really have the chance to get to know my students at a deeper level. Granted, teachers don't have the responsibility to transform a student's life and it's definitely not realistic to do that for all of their students.
I have 76.
Well now 74, and slowly but surely decreasing as we speak...since Korean moms love to "taste-test" hakwons....
Anyway, my dilemma is....is it okay for me to do this??
The idea just came about very naturally. Some of my students, especially the girls, love to chit-chat and tell me stories, but frankly, we don't have time to do that. Class time isn't even enough for the work we need to cover and if we do have time left, we can't just sit there and talk. The mom's will go crazy if they see the students (through the video recordings...our classes are recorded) with their books unopened, they'll complain f'sho.
And more importantly, I really want to make myself available to these kids, especially the 6th graders. They're at a crossroads where they're entering a rough six years of intense studying and yet they're not preparing themselves at all. It very much resembles senioritis.......
Plus, one of the mother's had suggested to me that she'd love to see some kind of mentor ship for her daughter, which I expressed that I would love that for myself as well.
So really, this could go both ways: either become an opportunity that opens doors for many more teacher-student relationships or...drama. Drama among the teachers, from the possible misunderstanding that I'm setting a level that they might feel forced to meet and that I'm trying to win the students' hearts, and even drama among the students that I'm being exclusive/partial.
I definitely can't do this with all of my students...there's just some that I'd love to invest in and can see us getting along very well.
Well, we'll see how it goes. The water's already been spilled. I told the five students to ask their parents about how they feel about this proposal. :)
I'm just gonna be optimistic, and believe that this is the beginning of something good.
{eSeul}
Monday, July 18, 2011
I think this is it.....
This past weekend was so draining.
It was good, real good.
But so bad at the same time.
It began with an awesome, late night 삼겹살 (samgyubsal: grilled pork belly) dinner with a couple of my most favorite people on a rainy night in Ilsan. It continued on to a greatly missed sleepover at my apartment with nail polish and a not-so-favored Korean drama marathon. The Korean drama was well worth it, however, because my distinguished guest (Nants) is an absolute (obsessive) fan of the particular drama that was on. It was good to see her happy.
The following day included the most delicious 칼국수 (kalguksoo: handcut noodles) lunch and an extremely brief and rainy shopping excursion in my neighborhood. We got some dessert at the cutest Cafe Bene (the upgraded version of Starbucks in Korea) in my area and walked Jamie (my other guest) to the bus stop.
And then came the phone call with my mother.
No, it is not something that ruined my day.
It was not a (-__-) moment.
It just revealed to me the truth of why I haven't been able to really enjoy my time here. Not even an ounce, to be honest.
As it was expected, my mother is lonely.... It's something I worried about ever since I graduated college, but she always said she'll be okay because she "now has God".
But that's what mothers always say.
Every time I talk to her I wonder if it was the right decision for me to move here.
And then I feel like...what can I do? What more can I do? I need to do something, something to fix all her problems. Money doesn't seem to be enough....
Then, Sunday came.
From the moment I stepped into service, the tears came.
A breakthrough in my family, the desire to erase all shame, guilt, and burden.
The lies of my powerlessness, responsibilities, inadequacies.
And then, the truth of the Spirit and the flesh.
I've been living in the flesh for too long. I've always craved the Spiritual, but was always bound to the flesh.
Freedom?
It's not always about being imprisoned to laws or sins....
It's also about being imprisoned to all that you expect of yourself.
If you know me, you'd know how much I believe that the time is coming, the time for me to break out of my chains.
I think it begins here.
{eSeul}
It was good, real good.
But so bad at the same time.
It began with an awesome, late night 삼겹살 (samgyubsal: grilled pork belly) dinner with a couple of my most favorite people on a rainy night in Ilsan. It continued on to a greatly missed sleepover at my apartment with nail polish and a not-so-favored Korean drama marathon. The Korean drama was well worth it, however, because my distinguished guest (Nants) is an absolute (obsessive) fan of the particular drama that was on. It was good to see her happy.
The following day included the most delicious 칼국수 (kalguksoo: handcut noodles) lunch and an extremely brief and rainy shopping excursion in my neighborhood. We got some dessert at the cutest Cafe Bene (the upgraded version of Starbucks in Korea) in my area and walked Jamie (my other guest) to the bus stop.
And then came the phone call with my mother.
No, it is not something that ruined my day.
It was not a (-__-) moment.
It just revealed to me the truth of why I haven't been able to really enjoy my time here. Not even an ounce, to be honest.
As it was expected, my mother is lonely.... It's something I worried about ever since I graduated college, but she always said she'll be okay because she "now has God".
But that's what mothers always say.
Every time I talk to her I wonder if it was the right decision for me to move here.
And then I feel like...what can I do? What more can I do? I need to do something, something to fix all her problems. Money doesn't seem to be enough....
Then, Sunday came.
From the moment I stepped into service, the tears came.
A breakthrough in my family, the desire to erase all shame, guilt, and burden.
The lies of my powerlessness, responsibilities, inadequacies.
And then, the truth of the Spirit and the flesh.
I've been living in the flesh for too long. I've always craved the Spiritual, but was always bound to the flesh.
Freedom?
It's not always about being imprisoned to laws or sins....
It's also about being imprisoned to all that you expect of yourself.
If you know me, you'd know how much I believe that the time is coming, the time for me to break out of my chains.
I think it begins here.
{eSeul}
Friday, July 8, 2011
아빠
.
*WARNING: Heavy thoughts ahead....*
At work I'm usually caught up preparing things before classes start but today I had an unusual amount of free time, which was perfect because I got go make some phonecalls to my relatives before heading down to see them tomorrow. Which reminds me..I should be in bed for the trip ahead...anyways.
I finally got to talk to my 큰엄마 (keun-umma, oldest aunt on my dad's side, so my dad's oldest brother's wife) and the things she said brought up a lot of feelings that I wanted to forget.
You know when people pass...most of the time we want to remember the good memories and cherish who that person was? Well for me...it's hard for me to smile and reminisce about the good times because even those times make me sad. The fact that I can't have them anymore, and I mostly think about what could've been.
My aunt said my dad was unlucky. My sister and I are finally grown up and ready to lift my parents' burdens but he left just before life for him would get better. What she basically said was that he raised us well but he's so unlucky to not be able to receive the fruits of his labor. Of course she didn't mean that in a bad way, and I totally agree.... My heart aches whenever I think about him and all that he never got to have. Being at Korea makes it harder because he always wanted to come here. But never, not once since he left Korea 20 years ago did he allow himself to come back, even for a visit.... Everything I eat, everything I see I want to share with him but I can't.
The other night I had a dream with him in it. It was strange. We were back at our old apartment and were holding serious meetings, meetings to prepare and plan for some kind of battle. Yes, a war-like battle. The climax of the dream was me "recruiting" several young guys from discreet, factory-like buildings down the street. I brought them to our apartment very eagerly and fed them well while my dad explained our plan. I don't remember much about the conversations, but I remember the seriousness, the intensity yet the coziness of that moment. And even though I only mostly saw the back and side views of my dad, I felt so secure.
And today it hit me.... I can only see him in my dreams, even those being very few. It's these times when I ask questions that I know will always remain unanswered but I keep asking them.
Why did he have to go?
Why at this time when things were starting to turn up?
Why did he go without ever experiencing pure freedom and joy?
I feel even further away from joy. I still wish this was all just a bad dream....
{eSeul}
*WARNING: Heavy thoughts ahead....*
At work I'm usually caught up preparing things before classes start but today I had an unusual amount of free time, which was perfect because I got go make some phonecalls to my relatives before heading down to see them tomorrow. Which reminds me..I should be in bed for the trip ahead...anyways.
I finally got to talk to my 큰엄마 (keun-umma, oldest aunt on my dad's side, so my dad's oldest brother's wife) and the things she said brought up a lot of feelings that I wanted to forget.
You know when people pass...most of the time we want to remember the good memories and cherish who that person was? Well for me...it's hard for me to smile and reminisce about the good times because even those times make me sad. The fact that I can't have them anymore, and I mostly think about what could've been.
My aunt said my dad was unlucky. My sister and I are finally grown up and ready to lift my parents' burdens but he left just before life for him would get better. What she basically said was that he raised us well but he's so unlucky to not be able to receive the fruits of his labor. Of course she didn't mean that in a bad way, and I totally agree.... My heart aches whenever I think about him and all that he never got to have. Being at Korea makes it harder because he always wanted to come here. But never, not once since he left Korea 20 years ago did he allow himself to come back, even for a visit.... Everything I eat, everything I see I want to share with him but I can't.
The other night I had a dream with him in it. It was strange. We were back at our old apartment and were holding serious meetings, meetings to prepare and plan for some kind of battle. Yes, a war-like battle. The climax of the dream was me "recruiting" several young guys from discreet, factory-like buildings down the street. I brought them to our apartment very eagerly and fed them well while my dad explained our plan. I don't remember much about the conversations, but I remember the seriousness, the intensity yet the coziness of that moment. And even though I only mostly saw the back and side views of my dad, I felt so secure.
And today it hit me.... I can only see him in my dreams, even those being very few. It's these times when I ask questions that I know will always remain unanswered but I keep asking them.
Why did he have to go?
Why at this time when things were starting to turn up?
Why did he go without ever experiencing pure freedom and joy?
I feel even further away from joy. I still wish this was all just a bad dream....
{eSeul}
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Immeasurable
.
Two nights ago I laid in "my" bed (it doesn't feel like my bed quite yet if you get my drift) and it came out of nowhere.
I'm here for AN ENTIRE YEAR.
Or longer....
Until now I felt like a year was going to be too short, and go too fast. But...that night I realized it's actually a pretty long period of time if you think about how much can happen in a year. How much will my mom change? How much will I change? Will there be any progress in our lives? I've been underestimating how precious time is, only thinking of filling up my agenda.
I need to learn to value it and soak everything in instead of moving at the pace of time. I know that it goes by quickly...but I need to slow it down. And the only way to do that, is by slowing down myself.
Everything I want to do will happen in due time. There's no reason for me to rush things or think that a year is too short when it's actually a long time....
Well, that's just another one of my random rambles. I'm actually 90% decided on getting an iPhone and not purchase a camera, so you can look forward to some frequent picture uploads. They won't be super good, but they'll do. :)
P.S. Do you like my new layout?? I like it...it's clean...and beige.... You're supposed to see the pillow/bed better but fail.... Okay that's all!
{eSeul}
Two nights ago I laid in "my" bed (it doesn't feel like my bed quite yet if you get my drift) and it came out of nowhere.
I'm here for AN ENTIRE YEAR.
Or longer....
Until now I felt like a year was going to be too short, and go too fast. But...that night I realized it's actually a pretty long period of time if you think about how much can happen in a year. How much will my mom change? How much will I change? Will there be any progress in our lives? I've been underestimating how precious time is, only thinking of filling up my agenda.
I need to learn to value it and soak everything in instead of moving at the pace of time. I know that it goes by quickly...but I need to slow it down. And the only way to do that, is by slowing down myself.
Everything I want to do will happen in due time. There's no reason for me to rush things or think that a year is too short when it's actually a long time....
Well, that's just another one of my random rambles. I'm actually 90% decided on getting an iPhone and not purchase a camera, so you can look forward to some frequent picture uploads. They won't be super good, but they'll do. :)
P.S. Do you like my new layout?? I like it...it's clean...and beige.... You're supposed to see the pillow/bed better but fail.... Okay that's all!
{eSeul}
Monday, July 4, 2011
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Comfortable Being Alone
I love playing.
I love going out, hanging out with people, grabbing a few drinks and eating good food...but definitely not as much as most people.
I actually prefer to be alone a lot of times. Not just physically, but also in dealing with my issues and stressing out like crazy.
Recently, I found myself in an unfamiliar situation. I think...I'm not sure what it exactly was...but I didn't want to be alone. I began to compare my life here with those of my friends who were able to be here together. I began to feel envious of their comfort in always having people to be with whenever they wanted to. I wished I had been able to be here when they were here.
And then I thought about everything I experienced back at home when they were here, all the people I formed relationships with. Would I still want it if it meant giving up my experience as a barista? Would I still want it if it meant giving up all the people I met along the way? Would it be worth it if it meant giving up taking my relationship with God to a whole new level?
Today I realized, that this truly is God's timing. I didn't really let that idea sink in because it sounded so cliche and I probably would've been fine and dandy if everything did work out that way. But...I know I'm here at this time for more than just playing and hanging out. I mean, not to say that that's all my friends did when they were here. I know each of them met God in a new way and grew spiritually (which I can't deny would've happened with me), but you get my drift. But I feel that God brought me here at this particular season of my life because He knows that I've reached a new level of understanding of who He is. He knows what I'm really searching for.
I feel so much more encouraged to embrace my life here, today, right here, right now. From being with me, you might know how much I've been wondering what God has prepared for me. You might know how strongly I feel that He's been preparing me for something.
I'm glad that things are being put back into perspective.
{eSeul}
I love going out, hanging out with people, grabbing a few drinks and eating good food...but definitely not as much as most people.
I actually prefer to be alone a lot of times. Not just physically, but also in dealing with my issues and stressing out like crazy.
Recently, I found myself in an unfamiliar situation. I think...I'm not sure what it exactly was...but I didn't want to be alone. I began to compare my life here with those of my friends who were able to be here together. I began to feel envious of their comfort in always having people to be with whenever they wanted to. I wished I had been able to be here when they were here.
And then I thought about everything I experienced back at home when they were here, all the people I formed relationships with. Would I still want it if it meant giving up my experience as a barista? Would I still want it if it meant giving up all the people I met along the way? Would it be worth it if it meant giving up taking my relationship with God to a whole new level?
Today I realized, that this truly is God's timing. I didn't really let that idea sink in because it sounded so cliche and I probably would've been fine and dandy if everything did work out that way. But...I know I'm here at this time for more than just playing and hanging out. I mean, not to say that that's all my friends did when they were here. I know each of them met God in a new way and grew spiritually (which I can't deny would've happened with me), but you get my drift. But I feel that God brought me here at this particular season of my life because He knows that I've reached a new level of understanding of who He is. He knows what I'm really searching for.
I feel so much more encouraged to embrace my life here, today, right here, right now. From being with me, you might know how much I've been wondering what God has prepared for me. You might know how strongly I feel that He's been preparing me for something.
I'm glad that things are being put back into perspective.
{eSeul}
Monday, June 20, 2011
And so it Begins...
Warning...this is not a happy post LOL.
The waterworks began last night.
I made a phone call to my mom because I wanted to hear her voice.
She updated me on her moving plans. At first I felt that she had to move out urgently because our rent was going up. But when she mentioned that she wanted to stay there, I felt strangely comforted. It's not what I had wanted because I wanted to save money as a family, but knowing that she will be less burdened makes me relieved.
Other than that...I could tell it was hard for her to hide her true emotions. She didn't want to tell me what was wrong but I got her to eventually tell me what she was feeling.
My absence is too great. She didn't expect my physical absence to be so overwhelming. All I've done while living with her was discourage her and create a negative environment but she misses me.
Nothing makes me more upset than that. I knew she would feel this way. Lonely. Just imagining her going to bed alone makes me so...so..sad.
I wish she was here with me. I wish I had talked her and pressured her into moving here with me.
And, last week I talked to one of my dad's sisters (my aunt) over the phone. She started crying from hearing my voice. This completely reflects...all the feelings that will resurface. My healing begins all over again here. Tears upon tears, painful memories upon memories. I need to muster up all the courage I have from this point on.
Sigh...well anyway...that was depressing. Sorry! Haha. Hope this passes, and I'll feel less and less homesick.
{eSeul}
The waterworks began last night.
I made a phone call to my mom because I wanted to hear her voice.
She updated me on her moving plans. At first I felt that she had to move out urgently because our rent was going up. But when she mentioned that she wanted to stay there, I felt strangely comforted. It's not what I had wanted because I wanted to save money as a family, but knowing that she will be less burdened makes me relieved.
Other than that...I could tell it was hard for her to hide her true emotions. She didn't want to tell me what was wrong but I got her to eventually tell me what she was feeling.
My absence is too great. She didn't expect my physical absence to be so overwhelming. All I've done while living with her was discourage her and create a negative environment but she misses me.
Nothing makes me more upset than that. I knew she would feel this way. Lonely. Just imagining her going to bed alone makes me so...so..sad.
I wish she was here with me. I wish I had talked her and pressured her into moving here with me.
And, last week I talked to one of my dad's sisters (my aunt) over the phone. She started crying from hearing my voice. This completely reflects...all the feelings that will resurface. My healing begins all over again here. Tears upon tears, painful memories upon memories. I need to muster up all the courage I have from this point on.
Sigh...well anyway...that was depressing. Sorry! Haha. Hope this passes, and I'll feel less and less homesick.
{eSeul}
Sunday, June 19, 2011
The First of Many
어제...쫌 많이 슬펐다.
어떻게든 빨리 엄마를 모셔야하겠다는 생각에.
엄만 우릴 위해 너무 많이 희생을 하며...
부모님과 제대로 생활 못 해 보시고...
테레비를 보는데, 어느 집 딸과 그의 어머니와 가족분들이 공항에서 이별을하는 모습을보며
정말 펑펑 울었다.
엄마가 나와 동생을 데리고 한국을 떠나시면서 얼마나 마음이 아프셨을까...
엄마가 외할머니랑 외할아버지와 해어지면서 얼마나 울으셨을까...
얼마나 한국에 대한 모든것이 그리우셨을까...
생각만해도 마음이 아프다.
그동안 엄마를 몰래 위로못해줬다는 게 정말 후회스럽기만 하다.
엄마 빨리 일 그만 두시고 편하게 지내셨으면...난 정말 더 이상 원하는 게 없을것 같다.
{eSeul
어떻게든 빨리 엄마를 모셔야하겠다는 생각에.
엄만 우릴 위해 너무 많이 희생을 하며...
부모님과 제대로 생활 못 해 보시고...
테레비를 보는데, 어느 집 딸과 그의 어머니와 가족분들이 공항에서 이별을하는 모습을보며
정말 펑펑 울었다.
엄마가 나와 동생을 데리고 한국을 떠나시면서 얼마나 마음이 아프셨을까...
엄마가 외할머니랑 외할아버지와 해어지면서 얼마나 울으셨을까...
얼마나 한국에 대한 모든것이 그리우셨을까...
생각만해도 마음이 아프다.
그동안 엄마를 몰래 위로못해줬다는 게 정말 후회스럽기만 하다.
엄마 빨리 일 그만 두시고 편하게 지내셨으면...난 정말 더 이상 원하는 게 없을것 같다.
{eSeul
Friday, June 10, 2011
Am I Really in Korea?
I still find myself asking this question:
"Wait..I'm in Korea..?"
I know that I'm in a completely new environment because there is a pretty high level of discomfort, but at the same time I almost feel like I never left home. Many many times I can't differentiate my surroundings with Koreatown in Los Angeles, but there are definitely reminders that I am definitely no longer in America.
Well..apart from that, let me tell you about my first night out in Korea.
The night began at around 11pm, after we left the hakwon and arrived in the downtown area of Ilsan, the city I live in. It's not a long distance at all nor did we end work that late, but you have to consider the time of decision-making on where to eat and all that.
Our first stop was a barbecue place where we were able to enjoy some bomb grilled pork belly with the works (lettuce wraps, grilled kimchi, rice cake sheets, shredded green onion salad, BEER+SOJU, etc.), which was paid for by our head teacher.
Our next stop, a pretty Westernized bar that consisted of hard liquor (bourbon whiskey), dart games, drinking games, and loud loud music. This was paid for by a former head teacher who moved to headquarters.
The last stop, karaokeing. What's great about karaoke in Korea is that they continuously added 10 free minutes on top of our said one hour, which ended up to be almost an hour of free karaoke adding up to two hours.
This was also paid by the former head teacher.
It was long and tiring, but it was hard to keep track of time because 1. I was having fun and 2. I don't have any means of keeping track of time. At all.
I hope there will be more of these...LOL. Free food and free other things. But more than anything, occasions to get to know my co-teachers better.
Tomorrow, I will sleep in, replace some wacked out lightbulbs in my apartment, rearrange some furniture, and look for some good deals on couches. That is all for tonight.
{eSeul}
"Wait..I'm in Korea..?"
I know that I'm in a completely new environment because there is a pretty high level of discomfort, but at the same time I almost feel like I never left home. Many many times I can't differentiate my surroundings with Koreatown in Los Angeles, but there are definitely reminders that I am definitely no longer in America.
Well..apart from that, let me tell you about my first night out in Korea.
The night began at around 11pm, after we left the hakwon and arrived in the downtown area of Ilsan, the city I live in. It's not a long distance at all nor did we end work that late, but you have to consider the time of decision-making on where to eat and all that.
Our first stop was a barbecue place where we were able to enjoy some bomb grilled pork belly with the works (lettuce wraps, grilled kimchi, rice cake sheets, shredded green onion salad, BEER+SOJU, etc.), which was paid for by our head teacher.
Our next stop, a pretty Westernized bar that consisted of hard liquor (bourbon whiskey), dart games, drinking games, and loud loud music. This was paid for by a former head teacher who moved to headquarters.
The last stop, karaokeing. What's great about karaoke in Korea is that they continuously added 10 free minutes on top of our said one hour, which ended up to be almost an hour of free karaoke adding up to two hours.
This was also paid by the former head teacher.
It was long and tiring, but it was hard to keep track of time because 1. I was having fun and 2. I don't have any means of keeping track of time. At all.
I hope there will be more of these...LOL. Free food and free other things. But more than anything, occasions to get to know my co-teachers better.
Tomorrow, I will sleep in, replace some wacked out lightbulbs in my apartment, rearrange some furniture, and look for some good deals on couches. That is all for tonight.
{eSeul}
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Settling In
It's been so hard for me to settle into my humble apartment. Adjusting here has been fine, since I've already been pretty aware of what people are like in Korea, but of course there were a few shockers. But settling in....man it's much more difficult when you're a pretty particular person. I know that I don't have the financial stability to want all the things I want, but I don't think I'll feel at home until I get those things. Just a few are:
Curtains
More than just one set of bedsheets
A couch
Fabric to lay on my stairs that lead to my loft
Warm-lit light bulbs
A full-length mirror
At the same time, I'm asking myself...if I buy all these things, I'm only going to want to stay here another year, but am I really up for that? So much to consider...
But I think...it's best for me to just live in the now. Get everything I need to get if it means to create this place into a place of solace. If I end up leaving after my year is up, then fine, I'll just give away everything. If I end up staying, then it will probably be for good reasons.
Other than that...Korea's fine. Transportation, as I expected, is awesome. The convenience of having food when and where you want it, spectacular. The culture, can use some work. The people...I still need to get used to.
Aside from all of that, all I can and want to feel is anticipation. I really hope to let everything, e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g seep into my eyes and ears and soak into my heart. This is truly just the beginning.
{eSeul}
Curtains
More than just one set of bedsheets
A couch
Fabric to lay on my stairs that lead to my loft
Warm-lit light bulbs
A full-length mirror
At the same time, I'm asking myself...if I buy all these things, I'm only going to want to stay here another year, but am I really up for that? So much to consider...
But I think...it's best for me to just live in the now. Get everything I need to get if it means to create this place into a place of solace. If I end up leaving after my year is up, then fine, I'll just give away everything. If I end up staying, then it will probably be for good reasons.
Other than that...Korea's fine. Transportation, as I expected, is awesome. The convenience of having food when and where you want it, spectacular. The culture, can use some work. The people...I still need to get used to.
Aside from all of that, all I can and want to feel is anticipation. I really hope to let everything, e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g seep into my eyes and ears and soak into my heart. This is truly just the beginning.
{eSeul}
Friday, June 3, 2011
Dreaming for Dreams
It's approximately 3:30 in the morning here in Korea but I wanted to post this before going to bed....
Tonight I decided to give my aunt a phone call before leaving work while I had access to a phone and ended up talking to my cousin as well. And very unexpectedly, my cousin and I decided to meet up for some coffee. He picked me up from work and we walked for some time, looking for a coffee shop that was still open but quiet. We sat and talked for quite some time. Did I mention that I hadn't seen him since I was maybe 10-years-old??
Anyway...while we were chit-chatting, we saw a little girl who appeared to be no more than four-years-old wandering around the coffee shop while her mother watched her from her seat. And it was freaking midnight. Seriously, Korean children don't seem to have a bedtime.
This led to me talking to my cousin about how late Korean kids seem to go to bed, while in America, children have a bedtime of no later than 8pm. And he said something that of course I should've known beforehand: kids here have no choice especially since they're technically in school until at least 9pm. Hello Eseul...you teach until 10. So of course they don't have a bedtime. Well, I guess there are a good amount of American children who go to bed late, too, but I highly, highly doubt that it's by reason of school work. Probably video games. Or television.
But the point of all this is that kids here...their lives are practically run by school. Not by choice, but by the expectations set by their parents. The mothers at our academy are a whole lot more interested in the students' progress than the students themselves. They get incredibly upset when their child doesn't improve and progress to a higher class by the next semester. It's heartbreaking to know how much stress these kids must be enduring from all the scolding and pressure they get from their parents. And what does that result in? Suicides. Korea is known for its disturbingly high rate of suicides. But can you conceive elementary school and middle school aged children factoring into that number?
My cousin told me about a recent story of a child who could never meet his/her mother's academic expectation. After failing and failing to meet 95% and above, he/she finally achieved a perfect score on an exam. With his/her report was a note that read something along the lines of, "Is this good enough?" and that day jumped off a building.
What....what is going on??
It hurts.
Even more so, I want to help them to never stop dreaming. That's what kept me going. School really, really isn't everything (although I wouldn't say that to them). If anything, it's getting in their way of dreaming their innocent dreams. I can't change the way the parents here think. That's out of my control. But I hope I can somehow...lessen the burden of these children, some being my own students. Today I had this realization that teaching isn't all that bad. I'm actually enjoying it and my heart is becoming fuller by seeing how much influence, even if not much, I can have on these kids. I just hope and pray for opportunities to love on them.
Now I appreciate even more why my parents moved us to the States. They had mentioned that it wasn't just the opportunities out there, but the freedom in our education; we won't be bound by it as students in Korea are. So many things to process.....
{eSeul}
Tonight I decided to give my aunt a phone call before leaving work while I had access to a phone and ended up talking to my cousin as well. And very unexpectedly, my cousin and I decided to meet up for some coffee. He picked me up from work and we walked for some time, looking for a coffee shop that was still open but quiet. We sat and talked for quite some time. Did I mention that I hadn't seen him since I was maybe 10-years-old??
Anyway...while we were chit-chatting, we saw a little girl who appeared to be no more than four-years-old wandering around the coffee shop while her mother watched her from her seat. And it was freaking midnight. Seriously, Korean children don't seem to have a bedtime.
This led to me talking to my cousin about how late Korean kids seem to go to bed, while in America, children have a bedtime of no later than 8pm. And he said something that of course I should've known beforehand: kids here have no choice especially since they're technically in school until at least 9pm. Hello Eseul...you teach until 10. So of course they don't have a bedtime. Well, I guess there are a good amount of American children who go to bed late, too, but I highly, highly doubt that it's by reason of school work. Probably video games. Or television.
But the point of all this is that kids here...their lives are practically run by school. Not by choice, but by the expectations set by their parents. The mothers at our academy are a whole lot more interested in the students' progress than the students themselves. They get incredibly upset when their child doesn't improve and progress to a higher class by the next semester. It's heartbreaking to know how much stress these kids must be enduring from all the scolding and pressure they get from their parents. And what does that result in? Suicides. Korea is known for its disturbingly high rate of suicides. But can you conceive elementary school and middle school aged children factoring into that number?
My cousin told me about a recent story of a child who could never meet his/her mother's academic expectation. After failing and failing to meet 95% and above, he/she finally achieved a perfect score on an exam. With his/her report was a note that read something along the lines of, "Is this good enough?" and that day jumped off a building.
What....what is going on??
It hurts.
Even more so, I want to help them to never stop dreaming. That's what kept me going. School really, really isn't everything (although I wouldn't say that to them). If anything, it's getting in their way of dreaming their innocent dreams. I can't change the way the parents here think. That's out of my control. But I hope I can somehow...lessen the burden of these children, some being my own students. Today I had this realization that teaching isn't all that bad. I'm actually enjoying it and my heart is becoming fuller by seeing how much influence, even if not much, I can have on these kids. I just hope and pray for opportunities to love on them.
Now I appreciate even more why my parents moved us to the States. They had mentioned that it wasn't just the opportunities out there, but the freedom in our education; we won't be bound by it as students in Korea are. So many things to process.....
{eSeul}
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Less that a Week
Today marks my fourth day in Korea and my second day of teaching. The more I think about it, the more it's hitting me that I'm actually...really a teacher.
I really really hope that I can enhance my students' lives, not just their English. Dude, improving their English in itself would be considered an amazing accomplishment. But honestly, honestly...I think the child's well-being is much more important.
Anyway...
I've had quite a few interesting moments here so far, a few having to do with some people at work. There is the VP of our branch, whose been looking out for my best interest in several ways. On my second day of training, he called my downstairs to have a talk with him. He asked how I was, and then asked if I had eaten yet. I said no, and he offered to buy me a meal. I kindly rejected because I had a huge headache at that time and whenever I eat with a headache, I can be found embracing the toilet later on in the day. He mainly helped me feel so much more comfortable with my fears of feeling lost. As I left he said he just wanted to buy me food, but glad that he got to see that I'm doing well. Later my co-workers said that he has never offered to buy food for anyone.
Then today, I was heading over to a co-worker's apartment to pick up some stuff he didn't need because he moved out. When I got there and was about to open the door, the VP walks out! Awkward.................... He was there because he's moving in there soon. So he helped me grab the stuff I wanted (a small table, a rice cooker, a heating fan, and a frying pan...score!!) and walked me home...so glad that I lived just one building over. He never ceases to tell me to let him know if I ever need anything. Just to put it out there, from the exterior this man looks like he's been through some trouble...so it feels weird sometimes to be treated so nicely by him.
There's this other person, one of the chief administrators of the academy. He helped me move in and find my way to the academy. He's said things like, "When are you going to buy me a beer?" "Am I supposed to buy it for you?" "We have to go on a date to get your alien card" "I was going to take you to my church on Sunday." For me, I just took it as casual joking. When I told my co-workers that he wants to escort me to get my alien card on a Saturday, they said in a laughing matter that I have to be careful because he's never done that with any other teacher. So today, before leaving work, I took my docs from his drawer and I'm going to go alone tomorrow. LOL
What is going on with all this special treatment?? Should I be scared, or grateful?
But with my personality...I don't take these matters very seriously. Only until it becomes a real problem. Right now, I just consider these to be blessings.
P.S. A couple of the girls in one of my classes were whispering to themselves that they think I'm pretty..........PUHAHA A+ for them!
{eSeul}
I really really hope that I can enhance my students' lives, not just their English. Dude, improving their English in itself would be considered an amazing accomplishment. But honestly, honestly...I think the child's well-being is much more important.
Anyway...
I've had quite a few interesting moments here so far, a few having to do with some people at work. There is the VP of our branch, whose been looking out for my best interest in several ways. On my second day of training, he called my downstairs to have a talk with him. He asked how I was, and then asked if I had eaten yet. I said no, and he offered to buy me a meal. I kindly rejected because I had a huge headache at that time and whenever I eat with a headache, I can be found embracing the toilet later on in the day. He mainly helped me feel so much more comfortable with my fears of feeling lost. As I left he said he just wanted to buy me food, but glad that he got to see that I'm doing well. Later my co-workers said that he has never offered to buy food for anyone.
Then today, I was heading over to a co-worker's apartment to pick up some stuff he didn't need because he moved out. When I got there and was about to open the door, the VP walks out! Awkward.................... He was there because he's moving in there soon. So he helped me grab the stuff I wanted (a small table, a rice cooker, a heating fan, and a frying pan...score!!) and walked me home...so glad that I lived just one building over. He never ceases to tell me to let him know if I ever need anything. Just to put it out there, from the exterior this man looks like he's been through some trouble...so it feels weird sometimes to be treated so nicely by him.
There's this other person, one of the chief administrators of the academy. He helped me move in and find my way to the academy. He's said things like, "When are you going to buy me a beer?" "Am I supposed to buy it for you?" "We have to go on a date to get your alien card" "I was going to take you to my church on Sunday." For me, I just took it as casual joking. When I told my co-workers that he wants to escort me to get my alien card on a Saturday, they said in a laughing matter that I have to be careful because he's never done that with any other teacher. So today, before leaving work, I took my docs from his drawer and I'm going to go alone tomorrow. LOL
What is going on with all this special treatment?? Should I be scared, or grateful?
But with my personality...I don't take these matters very seriously. Only until it becomes a real problem. Right now, I just consider these to be blessings.
P.S. A couple of the girls in one of my classes were whispering to themselves that they think I'm pretty..........PUHAHA A+ for them!
{eSeul}
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Ephesians 3:11-12
"This was according to the eternal purpose
that he has realized in Christ Jesus our Lord,
in whom we have boldness and access with confidence
through our faith in him."
I have to say, the greatest discomfort I've experienced since my arrival in Korea has been walking around the neighborhood. Maybe I'm just self-conscious of what my people might think of me, but I feel like everyone is looking at me with very judgmental eyes. Like..they have laser beams shooting from there eyes, scoping me out from head to toe. Whenever I roamed around SoCal, I never felt uncomfortable even though almost everyone around me were completely different appearance-wise. I also feel like I have to be a certain way around my co-workers. I feel like one little thing I do can change their entire perspective of who I am.
Sigh...this is why...community is so very important.
All the love I've received during my short time here so far feels so undeserving. Just through e-mail I've gained so much confidence in who I am and why I'm here. I'm so...so overwhelmed with gratitude for the people who are making sure that I don't lose sight of that....
And although we all seem to lack confidence in many areas, I realized we actually do see so much in ourselves. Think about it...whenever you're placed in a situation where you find it hard to be comfortable and feel shy, you always ask the question, "Why can't I just be myself??"
I think...that question in itself reveals how much you do love yourself and believe in yourself. You think to yourself, 'if I am myself, I can get along with everyone just fine.' That's really it isn't it?
Today's my first day of teaching. After meditating on these thoughts, I feel like I can walk into all five of my classrooms with confidence. I feel like He's given me a coat that will reflect off all the laser beams that come my way. Let's just hope that I don't forget any of this.
{eSeul}
that he has realized in Christ Jesus our Lord,
in whom we have boldness and access with confidence
through our faith in him."
I have to say, the greatest discomfort I've experienced since my arrival in Korea has been walking around the neighborhood. Maybe I'm just self-conscious of what my people might think of me, but I feel like everyone is looking at me with very judgmental eyes. Like..they have laser beams shooting from there eyes, scoping me out from head to toe. Whenever I roamed around SoCal, I never felt uncomfortable even though almost everyone around me were completely different appearance-wise. I also feel like I have to be a certain way around my co-workers. I feel like one little thing I do can change their entire perspective of who I am.
Sigh...this is why...community is so very important.
All the love I've received during my short time here so far feels so undeserving. Just through e-mail I've gained so much confidence in who I am and why I'm here. I'm so...so overwhelmed with gratitude for the people who are making sure that I don't lose sight of that....
And although we all seem to lack confidence in many areas, I realized we actually do see so much in ourselves. Think about it...whenever you're placed in a situation where you find it hard to be comfortable and feel shy, you always ask the question, "Why can't I just be myself??"
I think...that question in itself reveals how much you do love yourself and believe in yourself. You think to yourself, 'if I am myself, I can get along with everyone just fine.' That's really it isn't it?
Today's my first day of teaching. After meditating on these thoughts, I feel like I can walk into all five of my classrooms with confidence. I feel like He's given me a coat that will reflect off all the laser beams that come my way. Let's just hope that I don't forget any of this.
{eSeul}
Monday, May 30, 2011
Some First Thoughts in Korea
That was a sweaty plane ride
Cramping butt
Long line for immigration
Apartment is nice!
But dirty....
Cleaned, scrubbed, cleaned, and cleaned.
Blankets smell like they were sitting in a closet for months.
Friendly people ratio? 50:50
I feel like everyone looks at me with very judgmental eyes...maybe I'm just self-conscious
BE CONFIDENT AND EXCITED!
Wish umma was here with me...
Hope the bus ride goes well and I don't get lost... (I didn't! :))
PEOPLE DON'T JUDGE ME!
I'm surprised to be in a fairly nice, hip neighborhood.
And right across the street is the park!
Haven't really had much time to "feel"...so busy and caught up with cleaning.
It was an interesting first night. Didn't have a clock. Literally woke up the next morning with the sunrise. Thought it was past 8am. Turns out it was only 6:30. -__-
I wish umma was here too..
I'm so good at cleaning. I feel like I'm being more anal because this is actually MY place...
It still hasn't settled in that I'm really in Korea. I feel like I'm in K-Town.
Co-workers seem like fun and comfortable to be around.
Can't wait to show y'all what my life is like.... I actually don't really know myself just yet.
{eSeul}
Cramping butt
Long line for immigration
Apartment is nice!
But dirty....
Cleaned, scrubbed, cleaned, and cleaned.
Blankets smell like they were sitting in a closet for months.
Friendly people ratio? 50:50
I feel like everyone looks at me with very judgmental eyes...maybe I'm just self-conscious
BE CONFIDENT AND EXCITED!
Wish umma was here with me...
Hope the bus ride goes well and I don't get lost... (I didn't! :))
PEOPLE DON'T JUDGE ME!
I'm surprised to be in a fairly nice, hip neighborhood.
And right across the street is the park!
Haven't really had much time to "feel"...so busy and caught up with cleaning.
It was an interesting first night. Didn't have a clock. Literally woke up the next morning with the sunrise. Thought it was past 8am. Turns out it was only 6:30. -__-
I wish umma was here too..
I'm so good at cleaning. I feel like I'm being more anal because this is actually MY place...
It still hasn't settled in that I'm really in Korea. I feel like I'm in K-Town.
Co-workers seem like fun and comfortable to be around.
Can't wait to show y'all what my life is like.... I actually don't really know myself just yet.
{eSeul}
Friday, May 27, 2011
Less than 48 Hours...
To my dearest friends who came to bid me farewell,
as well as my friends who were there in spirit....
Thank you for showering me with your love tonight. Even though it was super last minute I definitely sensed your efforts and sacrifice to show how much you care. I felt so spoiled and at the same time felt even more confused at the closeness of my departure.
It was definitely hard to say my "See you in a year"s because it still doesn't feel like I'm leaving in less than two days. Even now I'm asking myself if I really am traveling halfway across the world for an entire year...or even longer. Not only that, the physical distance that will be between us swept over me as I returned home. I don't know if I'm looking forward to leaving....
But after reading all the encouragements you left me in my ultra-fabulous yet obnoxious card, I'm feeling a lot more peace about my departure. How much you know me and care about my dreams comforts me. Not only do you know about my long-lived desires to live in let alone visit that country, but you also know my deepest desires for the Lord to do as He pleases with my life out there. I'm so excited to know that y'all are sending me out in a way that excites me and reminds me of the true reasons in my venture out to Korea.
I'm still scared and still in disbelief, but I feel...prepared. I promise to enjoy it to the fullest.
{eSeul}
as well as my friends who were there in spirit....
Thank you for showering me with your love tonight. Even though it was super last minute I definitely sensed your efforts and sacrifice to show how much you care. I felt so spoiled and at the same time felt even more confused at the closeness of my departure.
It was definitely hard to say my "See you in a year"s because it still doesn't feel like I'm leaving in less than two days. Even now I'm asking myself if I really am traveling halfway across the world for an entire year...or even longer. Not only that, the physical distance that will be between us swept over me as I returned home. I don't know if I'm looking forward to leaving....
But after reading all the encouragements you left me in my ultra-fabulous yet obnoxious card, I'm feeling a lot more peace about my departure. How much you know me and care about my dreams comforts me. Not only do you know about my long-lived desires to live in let alone visit that country, but you also know my deepest desires for the Lord to do as He pleases with my life out there. I'm so excited to know that y'all are sending me out in a way that excites me and reminds me of the true reasons in my venture out to Korea.
I'm still scared and still in disbelief, but I feel...prepared. I promise to enjoy it to the fullest.
{eSeul}
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Beauty Vloggers
Okay, confession time.
I am...a HUGE YouTube beauty vlog follower. Okay well, I don't really subscribe to anyone but I do try to keep up with people posting up videos on different beauty tips. Just a few of my favorites are:
Michelle Phan
http://www.youtube.com/user/MichellePhan?blend=1&ob=5
Wendy
http://www.youtube.com/user/wendyslookbook
YaYa
http://www.youtube.com/user/YaYaLifestyle
Jenn&Sarah
http://www.youtube.com/user/clothesencounters
And then there are vloggers who get fifty gazillion likes and a gajillion comments and so much media exposure although not as many subscribers/followers as the others mentioned...here is one of this sort:
Blair
http://www.youtube.com/user/juicystar07
I don't get it.
How does a girl who talks 87 mph (SHE DOESN'T BREATHE I SWEAR) who pretty much shows off all the "stuff" she has while being helpful here and there gets an incredible amount of feedback while the girls (who I'm fond of) are prone to get a pretty good amount of negative attention, especially if they were to be close to annoying as Blair? Granted, Blair probably loves the art of make up (o.O) but I'm not really sure what kind of example she's trying to set for young girls who watch her videos. I feel like they might feel a lot of pressure to become materialistic. And she's snagged showings in pretty popular talk shows.
The blogs I initially listed? These girls are so talented. And you can tell what they show in their videos are purely to be helpful. Not only that, they're super creative and artful. But once they do something out of their way to "upgrade", they are scolded for becoming less genuine.
Again. I don't get it.
I don't know...I'm blabbering. I just wish that more people would notice the artfulness and beauty in the creative aspect of it, not just the beauty products.
Girls, it doesn't have to be about all the nice things you have. Work with what you got, yea?
{eSeul}
I am...a HUGE YouTube beauty vlog follower. Okay well, I don't really subscribe to anyone but I do try to keep up with people posting up videos on different beauty tips. Just a few of my favorites are:
Michelle Phan
http://www.youtube.com/user/MichellePhan?blend=1&ob=5
Wendy
http://www.youtube.com/user/wendyslookbook
YaYa
http://www.youtube.com/user/YaYaLifestyle
Jenn&Sarah
http://www.youtube.com/user/clothesencounters
And then there are vloggers who get fifty gazillion likes and a gajillion comments and so much media exposure although not as many subscribers/followers as the others mentioned...here is one of this sort:
Blair
http://www.youtube.com/user/juicystar07
I don't get it.
How does a girl who talks 87 mph (SHE DOESN'T BREATHE I SWEAR) who pretty much shows off all the "stuff" she has while being helpful here and there gets an incredible amount of feedback while the girls (who I'm fond of) are prone to get a pretty good amount of negative attention, especially if they were to be close to annoying as Blair? Granted, Blair probably loves the art of make up (o.O) but I'm not really sure what kind of example she's trying to set for young girls who watch her videos. I feel like they might feel a lot of pressure to become materialistic. And she's snagged showings in pretty popular talk shows.
The blogs I initially listed? These girls are so talented. And you can tell what they show in their videos are purely to be helpful. Not only that, they're super creative and artful. But once they do something out of their way to "upgrade", they are scolded for becoming less genuine.
Again. I don't get it.
I don't know...I'm blabbering. I just wish that more people would notice the artfulness and beauty in the creative aspect of it, not just the beauty products.
Girls, it doesn't have to be about all the nice things you have. Work with what you got, yea?
{eSeul}
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Making Sense
Has it ever occurred to you, that pain is a blessing in disguise?
I did today, and although I don't fully accept it, I think I'm getting there.
The other day my friend was walking me through the process of getting some legal documents notarized. She recently had to painstakingly endure this process so she told me what to do step-by-step to a tee. And as much as it was a frustrating process for her, she seemed to be very glad to help me out so that I won't have to go through the same misery.
Similarly, I recently went through an unnecessarily complicated process of getting my Korean visa. It didn't have to be such an annoying experience, but it was, and because of that I can definitely save other people the trouble. And I'd do it without hesitation, and happily.
Maybe that's the whole thing about pain. The happenings in life that hurt you to the bones. The times that make you want to crawl into bed and never get up again. The ones where you find yourself asking, "Why me? Why must I live with this for the rest of my life? Why couldn't you save me from this suffering?"
When we endure immense pain, we become extremely familiar to it. It revisits you from time to time, without warning, but you know it so well that you actually know that it's back. A lot of times it's unexplainable, but there will definitely come a time when you can share it with someone, and be that one person who actually understands. And you'll do it without hesitation. And perhaps with a joyful heart.
I hope I can be strong enough to live that out. Soon enough.
{eSeul}
I did today, and although I don't fully accept it, I think I'm getting there.
The other day my friend was walking me through the process of getting some legal documents notarized. She recently had to painstakingly endure this process so she told me what to do step-by-step to a tee. And as much as it was a frustrating process for her, she seemed to be very glad to help me out so that I won't have to go through the same misery.
Similarly, I recently went through an unnecessarily complicated process of getting my Korean visa. It didn't have to be such an annoying experience, but it was, and because of that I can definitely save other people the trouble. And I'd do it without hesitation, and happily.
Maybe that's the whole thing about pain. The happenings in life that hurt you to the bones. The times that make you want to crawl into bed and never get up again. The ones where you find yourself asking, "Why me? Why must I live with this for the rest of my life? Why couldn't you save me from this suffering?"
When we endure immense pain, we become extremely familiar to it. It revisits you from time to time, without warning, but you know it so well that you actually know that it's back. A lot of times it's unexplainable, but there will definitely come a time when you can share it with someone, and be that one person who actually understands. And you'll do it without hesitation. And perhaps with a joyful heart.
I hope I can be strong enough to live that out. Soon enough.
{eSeul}
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)